Posted in Essay, Poems/Poetry, Spiritual Practice, story, Terri Stewart

Abandoned, Alone, and Angry

In my faith tradition, Jesus is crucified on the cross. He cries out, “Father, Father, why have you forsaken me?” This is a reference to Psalm 22 which explores emotions of abandonment, anger, and finding hope. I have used this methodology to express the anger and hope that I find for the youth that I work with who are affected by incarceration.

One night when I was working in detention (re: jail for kids), I heard story after story of hopelessness. It came to me that these youth were torn apart by their parents, by the education system, by poverty, by global issues beyond my understanding. One youth was going home the next day. To a crack addicted mother. Why couldn’t he go to his dad? His dad smuggles guns into the country and was a high placed gang member. He was certain he would be dead if he lived with his dad. So to his mom he goes. Where she will offer him drugs and he will become hooked. Again. He said, “I do not have the strength to say no to my mother.”

Another youth, noticably affected with psychological and educational challenges, was from Somalia. He was living with his auntie here. In Somalia, he had seen his parents dragged from their home, his mother raped, and both parents killed in front of him. But instead of investing in mental health centers, we have invested in mental health courts. This young man, clearly with a minimum of PTSD, will be locked up where the focus is on “treatment” (in this setting that means that they admit to crime and say they are sorry) not on therapy.

This makes me so mad! So my heart cries out to all who have let down these children. Let me say it again–children. But in order to do this work, I needed to discover why. The below poem was my journey through the anger to discovering how I can possibly continue to find hope and love in a system that is hopeless and loveless. It is also my way of putting words to the stories that the youth tell. And my own story.

And PS, if you’d like to support my work with these troubled youth, I’d love it!

 

Psalm
Eli Eli lama sabachthani?

where were you
when the embryo
hatched and was formed
by blood-spattered hyenas
tearing hope from
limb to limb and
laughing gleefully
at the mockery

where were you
when the embryo
fell and love
offered a hit
of a crack pipe
covered in symbols
flashing through
the ghetto offering
escape from the
desolate heat

the hands that
should be reaching
out are cut off at
the wrists bleeding
sanctimonious tripe
in defiance of the call
to love the
least , lost, and lonely
while sentencing each
embryo to death

guilty rings through
the room as we
continue to bleed the
embryo out with
ignorance born of
fear and shame and
the lie of the only way
being my way standing
on the corner shouting
belligerently to
repent or die

revelation rings through
the cosmos as the
embryo marches the
guilty to sheol while
silent tears are birthed
wresting the stumbling
breath of hope into a
silent scream reaching
to the ramparts and
calling forth the final
battle fought with
easter lilies

© 2013, post, Terri Stewart, All rights reserved

© 2009, poem, Terri Stewart, All rights reserved

terriTERRI STEWART is Into the Bardo’s  Sunday chaplain, senior content editor, and site co-administrator. She comes from an eclectic background and considers herself to be grounded in contemplation and justice. She is the Director and Founder of the Youth Chaplaincy Coalition that serves youth affected by the justice system. As a graduate of Seattle University’s School of Theology and Ministry, she earned her Master’s of Divinity and a Post-Master’s Certificate in Spiritual Direction with honors and is a rare United Methodist student in the Jesuit Honor Society, Alpha Sigma Nu. She is a contributing author to the Abingdon Worship Annual.

Her online presence is “Cloaked Monk.” This speaks to her grounding in contemplative arts and the need to live it out in the world. The cloak is the disguise of normalcy as she advocates for justice and peace. You can find her at www.cloakedmonk.com, www.twitter.com/cloakedmonk, and www.facebook.com/cloakedmonk.  To reach her for conversation, send a note to cloakedmonk@outlook.com
Posted in Photography/Photographer, Poems/Poetry, Spiritual Practice, Terri Stewart

This I Believe

windowOne of the most difficult things that humans do is make meaning from their current situation. In seminary, we were asked to do any assignment called, “This I Believe.” I still treasure the product of that assignment and will share it below. If you’re curious about the origins of the meaning of the word belief in Christian Biblical literature, there is a brief summary here. Regardless, here are a few questions to ponder and be thoughtful about –

  • What is belief?
  • How is belief lived out in your life?
  • Does belief evolve over time?
  • If belief evolves over time, what does that mean?
  • Could your belief be a particular window into the world?
  • Or is your belief the only particular window into the world?

windows

as i look behind
i see a path of aged stone
worn away at the edges
cementing to its neighbor
existing since the
apple flew from the tree

as i look ahead
i see tangles and brambles
and flowers and warmth
and my foot reaches out
as the stone peeks
through the grasses
for a moment
while i hesitantly
test the ground
of all being

as i place my foot
down on the rock
the path is solid and
the tangles and brambles
dissolve into nothing
as the daisies lean towards
the sun gesturing
for me to proceed

as i look up
i see a mansion
welcoming me with
the scent of lavender
and love
calling out like
mama greeting me
after a long summer
away at camp

as i reach the door
i turn the handle
shaking and trembling
with fear and awe
standing at the portal
that leads to
a new place of belonging

as i step forward
realizing this is home
my ragged teddy bear
is waiting for me
on the worn chair
joy glinting off his
button eye

Papa! Mama!
i am home!

“In the garden, child.”

as i look out
i suddenly notice
the windows
each stained to create
a beautiful invitation
of loving encouragement
and lively warmth
leading to the garden

as i run from window
to window i am stunned
by the rainbow of promise
that dances before
my eyes
until i see him
and i am caught
by his image
as love overwhelms me
and my heart dances
and the garden glistens
through the
tears in my eyes

as i peek into the garden
i see Papa waiting for me
and my hand reaches out
to touch the beauty of
him and passes
through the glass
holding me in surprise
while i walk through the
window into the light
enraptured with him

i run to Papa
and leap into His arms
knocking Him back and
He receives me with
a chuckle and twirls
me headily through the
clouds with laughter
born of love and
grace.

Terri Stewart, May, 2009
Post and photo, Terri Stewart, (c) 2013 All Rights Reserved

terriTERRI STEWART is Into the Bardo’s  Sunday chaplain, senior content editor, and site co-administrator. She comes from an eclectic background and considers herself to be grounded in contemplation and justice. She is the Director and Founder of the Youth Chaplaincy Coalition that serves youth affected by the justice system. As a graduate of Seattle University’s School of Theology and Ministry, she earned her Master’s of Divinity and a Post-Master’s Certificate in Spiritual Direction with honors and is a rare United Methodist student in the Jesuit Honor Society, Alpha Sigma Nu. She is a contributing author to the Abingdon Worship Annual.

Her online presence is “Cloaked Monk.” This speaks to her grounding in contemplative arts and the need to live it out in the world. The cloak is the disguise of normalcy as she advocates for justice and peace. You can find her at www.cloakedmonk.com, www.twitter.com/cloakedmonk, and www.facebook.com/cloakedmonk.  To reach her for conversation, send a note to cloakedmonk@outlook.com

Posted in Essay, Nature, Photography/Photographer, Spiritual Practice, story, Story Telling, Photo Story, Terri Stewart

One Foot in Front of the Other

Walking is a spiritual practice that I am predisposed to. After all, photography would not happen unless I walked around! Simply putting one foot in front of the other, time after time, without expectation of arrival at an end point is a contemplative practice. Recently, though, I discovered a new way of viewing walking as a contemplative practice. This practice had an end point and I was completely aware of all the w’s – who, what, when, where, why. I was not letting go and receiving images (well a little). I was literally focused on my feet and putting my feet, one step at a time, on stable ground.

And this is a metaphor. Sometimes, sitting at our desk or listening to our loved ones, can be a practice of just being aware of what is now and putting your best effort towards arriving at the next now. One step at a time.

As you continue reading, consider the questions, “In what area of my life can I start (or continue) putting one foot in front of the other? What new story will be created?

Here is my story.

Monday, I went hiking to Bridal Veil Falls / Lake Serene in the Central Cascade mountains of Washington. It was a spectacular day. (The weather is forecast to be fabulous all week-long in Seattle leading me to believe somebody is playing with our emotions.) I felt confident I could do the +7 mile hike. BUT I forgot to look at the way the path is (smooth vs. rocky) and the grade or “up-ness.”

I started out on the popular path and asked a co-hiker what to expect and she told me it was steep but that it was worth it. And that there were a lot of switchbacks. OK. I can do this! I will just take my time and be careful.

In February of this year, I was going through a diagnosis of Celiac disease. Now most folks just think that this is digestive only. Well, it is not. It causes inflammation in every part of my body. It grew tumors in my ovaries. I had a period for 3 weeks. I was severely anemic. The test didn’t say, “Low,” it said “Alert!” I could not walk up a short hill without being severely out of breath because I had very few mature red blood cells to carry oxygen around. In short, it stank.

And, over the last few years I have had surgery on my left ankle (torn tendon) and my right foot (two! neuromas crowding out my middle toes). I couldn’t walk without pain until, oh, last year after the neuroma surgery. Generally, I count every pain-free step a success. Would my feet hold out? Always a question. And with the ankle surgery, I generally look for nice, solid, flat ground so my ankle will not roll.

Rats! This path is not smooth. Very rocky. Wet sometimes. Muddy sometimes. But mostly rock, rock, rock. Keep my eyes down and make sure my feet land on flat spots! That’s the plan.

Anyway, I started up the path at my own pace. I got a little less than two miles in and found the below sight. I tried really hard to capture this thing that was happening with the sun and the water! It looked like liquid sunshine was pouring off the top of the waterfall. My eyes received the beautiful image of sunshine being poured down the mountain, could my camera receive it? A little.

Walkabouts__2013-06-03_12-05-17

At any rate, it was astounding. And it was the second set of falls I had seen. This mountain is one big slab of granite! (Hence the rocky path) And there is water everywhere. Well, okay, not everywhere, but in a lot of places. It was hard to get a good picture, but earlier, there was a set of falls that were very tall and jagged. But the trees were very overgrown so you could only get glimpses of the splash of light and water. This is the very bottom of that series. I received beautiful images of flowing water.

Walkabouts__2013-06-03_16-17-40

I got past the falls and it was two miles to Lake Serene. I was feeling good so decided my body could do this! I kept on going. And going. Up and up. Picking my way carefully through rocks. Resting when I felt overwhelmed. Then there came a moment when I thought that I was not going to be able to do it. I grounded my feet to the earth and drew on the strength of my God and the strength of the earth. I breathed deeply. This had become a spiritual quest.

I kept on going. But at that moment, I felt like giving up. I soon encountered a woman and her dog. They were resting. (Yay for rest!). I asked her how much further. She said, “When you feel like you have been through the worst possible climb, then it is just a bit more up and a little down and you’re there.”

OK. The worst possible climb. I can surely get to this.

I went up and encountered massive rocky path, with only about a 9″ clearance to skinny through. Surely, this is the worst possible spot.

I kept going and encountered another massive rocky path, with water and slipperiness. Surely, this is the worst possible spot.

Add water and repeat.

Finally, I broke through the shadows of the forest into a sunny meadowy type area (is it a meadow if it is on the side of a mountain?). I looked up and my breath left my body. It. Was. Amazing. I received the most beautiful blues intermingled with a dark granite mountain and white fluffy clouds rising like steam. I remember the story of Moses going up the mountain to be with his God and going into the cloud. This is a place to connect with spiritual strength. I felt strengthened, encouraged, excited, and alive. A complete contrast to how I felt when I was in the shadows.

Walkabouts__2013-06-03_13-56-59

I was now in the sun, with this incredible sight, having passed through at least 5 stretches of the worst climb ever. And I saw another worst climb ever in front of me. But my spirits were jubilant. I was in the light and had left the darkness. Amen!

I kept on going. There was one more seriously worst climb ahead and then I was there. Lake Serene.

Walkabouts__2013-06-03_14-25-52

In fact, this lake feeds into the waterfalls pictured earlier. I had climbed all the way around to the other side. Here is what the top of the waterfall looks like from this same point, just facing the other way.

Walkabouts__2013-06-03_14-25-23

I clambered through the snow a bit and sat at the closest point I could get to the top of the waterfall. Ate lunch. Relaxed a moment.

Time to head back down. Surely, down would be easier! It always is. Mostly.

On the way down, I kept my head down looking to keep my feet planted so my ankle will not turn. I almost made it. Darn it. One misstep and a turned ankle. Choice – fall in a way to minimize injury or try to get that wobbly ankle to hold me up. Quick decision – my ankle will not withstand the effort to stay firmly up. Fall it is! Sheesh. I hate rocky, downhill, paths. Now, cuts and bruises, scratches and blood. I would hate to see what I looked like.

I crossed back in front of the amazing waterfall that poured sunshine and the woman I had met earlier was there with her dog! She was resting. Her dog decided to try to clean up the scratches on my legs a bit (ha ha!). We chatted a bit and she moved on. I stayed and tried to get some more photos of the falls and take a rest. Oh, and to use the water to wash my arm which has a pretty serious scratch(es).

But, gosh darn it, I did it! I am still on the path. I can still walk. My body is sustaining me. This is such a big deal, you have no idea. I was misdiagnosed for at least 20 years. To be able to do this is the most awesomely amazing thing ever. My muscles don’t even hurt as much today as they did on days the inflammation from being celiac made them hurt. (That was a bad sentence, sorry.)

I kept going. And I made it back to my car by about 5:00 p.m.

The quest was complete.

I am proud that I had the perseverance to keep on pushing through. My blood tests still say “alert” on the iron portion, but it is improving. My ankles and feet are okay today. My right arm and right shin are pretty banged up, but as long as nobody touches them (!) I will be fine.

The return hike took 2 hours. It took me 4 hours to go up.

Walking or hiking as a spiritual practice, for me, is typically about opening myself up to the images around me. Receiving images that I sometimes share here or on my blog. This time, though, it transformed into something else. Instead of receiving the beauty around me, I had to dig deep to connect to the strength of the earth, strength of my faith, and to the strength in my own body in order to find sustenance for the journey. This is a new kind of spiritual practice for me.  I had thought, Monday night, that I would not be eager to repeat this experience. But I am. Focusing on putting one foot in front of the other in this way gave me a faith in myself that I sometimes lack. Especially in my own body’s ability to sustain me. That is my new story. I trust my body.

Blessed be.

Shalom and Amen.

~Chaplain Terri

Adapted from a post at my blog. Trials on the Trail.

© 2013, post & photos, Terri Stewart, All rights reserved

terriTERRI STEWART is Into the Bardo’s  Sunday chaplain, senior content editor, and site co-administrator. She comes from an eclectic background and considers herself to be grounded in contemplation and justice. She is the Director and Founder of the Youth Chaplaincy Coalition that serves youth affected by the justice system. As a graduate of Seattle University’s School of Theology and Ministry, she earned her Master’s of Divinity and a Post-Master’s Certificate in Spiritual Direction with honors and is a rare United Methodist student in the Jesuit Honor Society, Alpha Sigma Nu. She is a contributing author to the Abingdon Worship Annual.

Her online presence is “Cloaked Monk.” This speaks to her grounding in contemplative arts and the need to live it out in the world. The cloak is the disguise of normalcy as she advocates for justice and peace. You can find her at www.cloakedmonk.com, www.twitter.com/cloakedmonk, and www.facebook.com/cloakedmonk.  To reach her for conversation, send a note to cloakedmonk@outlook.com

Posted in Meditation, Spiritual Practice, Terri Stewart

Meditation on the Shadow

shadow reflection self portraitI have been reflecting on shadow work a lot lately.  The shadow is that part of ourselves that we often keep hidden. It was especially prompted by Naomi’s images and thoughts in her post “Black and White (or not).” The world is shades of gray as our shadows often seem to be.

Physically, our shadows take on the colors of what they are cast on. We stand ‘here,’ the shadow projects ‘there,’ and our shadow is integrated with rock or grass or concrete or sofa–with the barest connection with our embodied self. Sometimes our shadows hang on to us by the barest toe. Sometimes we are connected fully.

The shadow is something darker, hidden, taking on different tones and different shapes than our embodied selves. But ultimately, it is a projection of our own self. What we don’t want to see in ourselves, we push into our shadow.

One of the most valuable lessons I had in seminary was a discussion of the Johari Window. It is really pretty simple! There are four ways to be known in the world (each one pane of a four paned window):

  1. Things we know about ourselves that nobody else knows
  2. Things others know about us that we don’t know
  3. Things we know and others know
  4. Things nobody knows

Our job is to shrink the part of our window that is “things nobody knows.”

γνῶθι σεαυτόν – Know Thyself, on the Temple of Apollo at Delphi

I’d like to offer a meditation on accepting the shadow self. Please only do this if you feel safe.

Find a comfortable place.  If you are sitting, ground your feet restfully, but firmly. If you are laying, sink down towards the earth. Let the earth buoy you and hold you through this exercise.

You may close your eyes if that is comfortable for you or you may keep them open. If your eyes are open, let your gaze fall gently onto a nearby spot—not particularly noticing anything about the spot, but just accepting the spot as your companion.

Let your gaze turn inward. Take an inventory. Do you feel anxious? Excited? Relaxed? Where is the energy stirring? Is your mind whirring? Or is it in your solar plexus? Or lower? What energy are you bringing to your meditation in your body? Greet the energy and invite it into your journey.

Pause and acknowledge the sacredness of joining with your energy. Breathe in. Breathe out.

Continue your inventory. Moving beyond the physical. What are all the great things you see about yourself? Your creativity? Your love? Your compassion? Mercy? Analysis? Quietness? Strength? Acceptance? Meticulousness? Acknowledge these beautiful and wonderful things and give thanks to them. Breathe in. Breathe out. Now, let them go. They will still be with you. Consider them your backbone. Holding you firmly in place, but behind you.

Reconsider your connectedness to the earth. Let her energy support you while sinking in. Reconsider your gifts—the great things about you. Let them provide structure to your body. Breathe in. Breathe out.

Before you, now, is an empty room. Just you and the energy you have brought with you. The energy from your body. The energy from the earth. The support from your gifts. A formidable group.

See the shadow.

How are you connected to the shadow? Fingertip? Toes? Fully? Check in with yourself and stop here if that feels right to you.

What contrasting energy is pulsing in the shadow? Is it a mirror of your own body’s energy? Or is it different? What is the shadow projecting onto you? Does it make you seem tall? Or small? What color does the shadow take on? What is it drawing from its surroundings? Check in with yourself and stop here if that feels right to you.

Open a dialogue with your shadow. Something like, “I see you. I know you are part of me. What do you have to teach me today?”

Listen to your shadow. Breathe in, breathe out. Check in with yourself and stop here if that feels right to you. This will be different for everybody.

If you feel brave, offer your shadow love. Compassion. Acceptance. Acknowledgement. What does that feel like? Check in with your body and see where your energy is stirring. Is your heart chakra pulsing? Or maybe your shadow has some energy swirling? Check in with yourself and stop here if that feels right to you.

Seeing your shadow, connecting, dialoguing, loving—continue to offer love and imagine love emanating towards your shadow from your energy, from the energy of the earth, and from the gifts that you bring that stabilize you. Imagine the love pouring out everywhere as light. Light as soft as a glowing sunset or as strong as a summer’s day. Whatever light is needed. As the light increases, the shadow steps closer and makes one more connection with you. Maybe just a pinky. Check in with yourself and stop here if that feels right to you.

Now, it is time to close the dialogue with the shadow.

Offer your loving kindness to the shadow. Bring your hands together over your heart chakra in a prayer position. Let your inner gaze fall gently on your shadow. Breathe in, breathe out. As you gaze at your shadow, offer Namaste.

Bring the inner light down to an inner, restful darkness. Let your shadow leave your full awareness, knowing you are that much more connected and that you will be back.

Breathe in, breathe out.

Feel your gifts that strengthened you. Thank them for being with you. Bid your gifts Namaste.

Feel the earth that supported you. Thank the earth for providing support. Bid the earth Namaste.

Feel the energy in your body that journeyed with you. Thank yourself for being present. Bring to yourself, Namaste.

Breathe in, breathe out.

Namaste.

Shalom and Amen,

~Terri

© 2013, post & photo, Terri Stewart, All rights reserved

Terri StewartTERRI STEWART is Into the Bardo’s  Sunday chaplain, senior content editor, and site co-administrator. She comes from an eclectic background and considers herself to be grounded in contemplation and justice. She is the Director and Founder of the Youth Chaplaincy Coalition that serves youth affected by the justice system. As a recent graduate of Seattle University’s School of Theology and Ministry, she earned her Master’s of Divinity and a Post-Master’s Certificate in Spiritual Direction with honors and is a rare United Methodist student in the Jesuit Honor Society, Alpha Sigma Nu. She is a contributing author to the Abingdon Worship Annual.

Her online presence is “Cloaked Monk.” This speaks to her grounding in contemplative arts (photography, mandala, poetry) and the need to live it out in the world. The cloak is the disguise of normalcy as she advocates for justice and peace. You can find her at www.cloakedmonk.com, www.twitter.com/cloakedmonk, and www.facebook.com/cloakedmonk.  To reach her for conversation, send a note to cloakedmonk@outlook.com
Posted in Spiritual Practice, story, Terri Stewart

Connecting to Our Story

New Life, New Story
New Life, New Story

Often times, we look back at our lives and we can see the story. But is that story really the heart of the matter? How do we connect to the heart of our story in the present moment? Taking meaning from what is now to illuminate what was then.

At the core of every moment lies the heart of the cosmos, and my heart, and yours.

~Margaret D. McGee, Haiku–the Sacred Art

Today, I’d like to try a technique that Margaret McGee teaches in her book referenced above. She uses it to teach haiku. If you feel comfortable with that, I would definitely encourage you! If you feel there is another creative form calling forth from you, then use that–music, dance, poetry.

You will need up to 20 minutes for this exercise. Review all the steps before you start, unless you’re like me, in which case you just jump in!

Make a chart something like this (you probably will need extra room under sight!):

table

Now, if it is possible, find a nice place outside to sit comfortably and to take in your surroundings.

Relax, breathe deeply, look around.

  • Now–What do you smell? It’s spring–are there flowers blooming? Can you smell them? Not all smells are serene! It could be something else altogether!
  • Then–Close your eyes. Let go and stroll through your memories. Is there a particular scent from your past (last week? childhood?) that is arising for you?
  • Now–Write down the first thing you see! And keep on filling it in. Our eyes can take in so many things! We can see, arguably, over 100,000 different colors! What words can you create that describes the individuality in what you see?
  • Then–Close your eyes. Let go and stroll through your memories. Is there a particular color or scene from your past that is arising for you?

Continue on in this pattern for each category.

Now, get a fresh sheet of paper or use the back of your grid. Choose a few images from your lists that are resonating with you and with each other. These images may all be from the present moment or they may be from past moments. In particular, if you want to use the present to cast meaning on your past story, search for threads that connect across time.

Go and do! Create your artwork (or soulwork) in haiku, other poetry forms, photography, collage, painting, mandala, essay, etc. Whatever way calls to you. Take time now to make meaning and to add to the depth and meaning of your own story.

table2

For me, what is resonating is the bitterness of coffee, addiction, wind that is too strong. Yikes–what can I do with that?

stormy winds of spring

whistle through my breaking heart–

promises unkept

Aaah, well, this exercise today seems to have brought up some memories. What is clear to me is that our stories are never finished. We can continue to add meaning and to find new meaning and to have alternate meanings! A surplus of meaning.

The full story behind this new story has been started before if you would like to read it.

Shalom,

Chaplain Terri

© 2013, essay, haiku, and photograph, Terri Stewart, all rights reserved

Terri StewartTERRI STEWART is Into the Bardo’s  Sunday Chaplain, Senior Content Editor, and Site Co-administrator. She comes from an eclectic background and considers herself to be grounded in contemplation and justice. She is the Director and Founder of the Youth Chaplaincy Coalition that serves youth affected by the justice system. As a recent graduate of Seattle University’s School of Theology and Ministry, she earned her Master’s of Divinity and a Post-Master’s Certificate in Spiritual Direction with honors and is a rare United Methodist student in the Jesuit Honor Society, Alpha Sigma Nu. She is a contributing author to the Abingdon Worship Annual.

Her online presence is “Cloaked Monk.” This speaks to her grounding in contemplative arts (photography, mandala, poetry) and the need to live it out in the world. The cloak is the disguise of normalcy as she advocates for justice and peace. You can find her at www.cloakedmonk.com, www.twitter.com/cloakedmonk,  and  www.facebook.com/cloakedmonk.  To reach her for conversation, send a note to cloakedmonk@outlook.com.
Posted in Spiritual Practice, story, Terri Stewart

What are you witness to?

tracy-arm-fjord-copy

What are you witness to? What story have you seen? Where has grace moved in your life?

I’ve just returned from vacation. There were so many stories told if I just slowed down and listened or watched. There was the mother holding a young child’s hands as he ran along the pool’s edge; the young man from Indonesia who works day after day with no days off; the staff who rush to the port side of the boat so they can see where we are going or have been, their only contact with a new world from a distance or from behind a camera.

Grace moved in my heart at every encounter with the people and with the striking depth of beauty that we encountered in the natural beauty of Alaska and the surrounding area. Grace moved in my heart when I was able to experience living through the eyes of compassion in this rarefied environment. Love, beauty, and grace coalescing in my rib cage.

I wrote a series of haiku witnessing to the stark beauty in the Tracy Arm Fjord that I offer here along with a photo from that day.  These haiku were primarily inspired by the waters while we were entering into the Tracy Arm Fjord, which were quite different from the waters once we were sitting still.  The arrival waters were deeper, grayer, more choppy and more mysterious.

The photo is from a moment of stillness in waters littered with small icebergs. Click on the photo to see an expanded view. To browse through the unedited photos, you can go to my flickr site.

glacier fed wind

whips across cresting waters

reflecting sun’s glory

frenzied wind

stirring waters to white peaks

be still my soul

shrouded grey waters

revealing iceberg tips

depths hidden

– Terri Stewart

© 2013, essay, haiku, and photograph, Terri Stewart, all rights reserved

Terri StewartTERRI STEWART is Into the Bardo’s  Sunday Chaplain, Senior Content Editor, and Site Co-administrator. She comes from an eclectic background and considers herself to be grounded in contemplation and justice. She is the Director and Founder of the Youth Chaplaincy Coalition that serves youth affected by the justice system. As a recent graduate of Seattle University’s School of Theology and Ministry, she earned her Master’s of Divinity and a Post-Master’s Certificate in Spiritual Direction with honors and is a rare United Methodist student in the Jesuit Honor Society, Alpha Sigma Nu. She is a contributing author to the Abingdon Worship Annual.

Her online presence is “Cloaked Monk.” This speaks to her grounding in contemplative arts (photography, mandala, poetry) and the need to live it out in the world. The cloak is the disguise of normalcy as she advocates for justice and peace. You can find her at www.cloakedmonk.com, www.twitter.com/cloakedmonk,  and  www.facebook.com/cloakedmonk.  To reach her for conversation, send a note to cloakedmonk@outlook.com.
Posted in Photography/Photographer, Poems/Poetry, Rumi, Spiritual Practice, Terri Stewart

Doors

bar_doorsConsider doors. We enter or exit through doors. Sometimes we just look at doors. They lead towards something or away from something.

“As long as you are performing prayer, you are knocking on Allah’s door. And whoever knocks on Allah’s door [constantly], He will open it.” -Ibn Al-Qayyim Al-Jawzi

“The doors we open and close each day decide the lives we live.” -Flora Whittemore

“A man who does not plan long ahead will find trouble right at his door” -Confucius

“Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you.” Matthew 7:7, Christian Scripture

“In oneself lies the whole world and if you know how to look and learn, the door is there and the key is in your hand. Nobody on earth can give you either the key or the door to open, except yourself.” -Jiddu Krishnamurti

“Knowledge of what is does not open the door directly to what should be.” -Albert Einstein

Lots of thought has been given to doors! Now it is our turn to consider doors. I would like to offer up a lectio divina experience. Lectio divina is an ancient way of “being present
to a text in a heart-centered way.” (Christine Valters Paintner) It is a way of meditating or praying. When we use the lectio divina technique, we see the words we read as living, breathing essence. It becomes an encounter with the sacred. There are four primary movements of lectio (and sorry if this is repeat news!)…

Read (lectio): Read and listen for a word or phrase that creates energy within your body

Reflect (meditatio): Read again and savor the words, delve into them, use your senses to experience them

Respond (oratio): Read again and listen for the invitation coming from the text

Rest (contemplatio): Rest, be still.

Go slowly and be present. I offer you a poem from Rumi.

Lectio:

The bfirehouse_doorreeze at dawn has secrets to tell you.
Don’t go back to sleep.

You must ask for what you really want.
Don’t go back to sleep.

People are going back and forth across the doorsill
where the two worlds touch.

The door is round and open.
Don’t go back to sleep.

From Essential Rumi
by Coleman Barks

Meditatio:

weird_doorThe breeze at dawn has secrets to tell you.
Don’t go back to sleep.

You must ask for what you really want.
Don’t go back to sleep.

People are going back and forth across the doorsill
where the two worlds touch.

The door is round and open.
Don’t go back to sleep.


Oratio:

lots_of_doorsThe breeze at dawn has secrets to tell you.
Don’t go back to sleep.

You must ask for what you really want.
Don’t go back to sleep.

People are going back and forth across the doorsill
where the two worlds touch.

The door is round and open.
Don’t go back to sleep.

Rest:

forboding_door

Shalom and Amen.

~Chaplain Terri

© 2013, post and photos, Terri Stewart, all rights reserved

Terri StewartTERRI STEWART is Into the Bardo’s  Sunday Chaplain, Senior Content Editor, and Site Co-administrator. She comes from an eclectic background and considers herself to be grounded in contemplation and justice. She is the Director and Founder of the Youth Chaplaincy Coalition that serves youth affected by the justice system. As a recent graduate of Seattle University’s School of Theology and Ministry, she earned her Master’s of Divinity and a Post-Master’s Certificate in Spiritual Direction with honors and is a rare United Methodist student in the Jesuit Honor Society, Alpha Sigma Nu. She is a contributing author to the Abingdon Worship Annual.

Her online presence is “Cloaked Monk.” This speaks to her grounding in contemplative arts (photography, mandala, poetry) and the need to live it out in the world. The cloak is the disguise of normalcy as she advocates for justice and peace. You can find her at www.cloakedmonk.com, www.twitter.com/cloakedmonkwww.flickr.com/cloakedmonk and  www.facebook.com/cloakedmonk.  To reach her for conversation, send a note to cloakedmonk@outlook.com.
Posted in Spiritual Practice, story, Terri Stewart

Enter the Story

St. Ignatius of Loyola, Image from WikiMedia Commons
St. Ignatius of Loyola, Image from WikiMedia Commons

One of the spiritual exercises that St. Ignatius of Loyola recommended was entering the story of scripture using your imagination. Using all your senses, imagine yourself in the story. Today, I am offering this exercise to you.

Below is a story that appeals to me from the Gospel of John. You do not have to be Christian to appreciate the point of this story, I believe. But if you would rather gather another story and do this exercise, I would encourage you to do that!

Sit relaxed, place your feet flat on the ground and read the story. Then close your eyes and reconstruct the scene in your  imagination. What is going on with the men and women in the scene? What do the characters look like? How do the characters react to each other? What are the people saying to one another? What emotions fill their words? As you enter into the scene, sometimes there is the desire to be there. You could place yourself in the scene as one of the characters in the story or as someone brand new.

Early in the morning Jesus came again to the temple. All the people came to him and he sat down and began to teach them. The scribes and the Pharisees brought a woman who had been caught in adultery; and making her stand before all of them, they said to him, “Teacher, this woman was caught in the very act of committing adultery. Now in the law Moses commanded us to stone such women. Now what do you say?” They said this to test him, so that they might have some charge to bring against him. Jesus bent down and wrote with his finger on the ground. When they kept on questioning him, he straightened up and said to them, “Let anyone among you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her.” And once again he bent down and wrote on the ground. When they heard it, they went away, one by one, beginning with the elders; and Jesus was left alone with the woman standing before him. Jesus straightened up and said to her, “Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?”  She said, “No one, sir.” And Jesus said, “Neither do I condemn you. Go your way, and from now on do not sin again.”

What do you smell? See? Can you feel anything? Can you imagine writing in the dirt? What would you write? Are there smells? Can you hear anything? Is your intuitive sense telling you anything? Where are you in the story? Who are you in the story? What is your story?

Shalom and Amen.

Chaplain Terri

© 2013, post and video, Terri Stewart, All rights reserved

Terri StewartTERRI STEWART is Into the Bardo’s  Sunday Chaplain, Senior Content Editor, and Site Co-administrator. She comes from an eclectic background and considers herself to be grounded in contemplation and justice. She is the Director and Founder of the Youth Chaplaincy Coalition that serves youth affected by the justice system. As a recent graduate of Seattle University’s School of Theology and Ministry, she earned her Master’s of Divinity and a Post-Master’s Certificate in Spiritual Direction with honors and is a rare United Methodist student in the Jesuit Honor Society, Alpha Sigma Nu. She is a contributing author to the Abingdon Worship Annual.

Her online presence is “Cloaked Monk.” This speaks to her grounding in contemplative arts (photography, mandala, poetry) and the need to live it out in the world. The cloak is the disguise of normalcy as she advocates for justice and peace. You can find her at www.cloakedmonk.com, www.twitter.com/cloakedmonk,  and  www.facebook.com/cloakedmonk.  To reach her for conversation, send a note to cloakedmonk@outlook.com.
Posted in Essay, Terri Stewart

Christine de Pizan, Part 3 of 3

This series is an academic article that I wrote on the life of Christine de Pizan, an extraordinary woman of the medieval era. This is part 3. Part 1 is here. Part 2 is here.

Christine de Pizan lecturing men Image from Wikimedia Commons
Christine de Pizan lecturing men
Image from Wikimedia Commons

In her poems on courtly love, she was able to express her deeply held conviction that “society obliged a woman to pay far too high a price for any momentary pleasure experienced from love outside marriage.”[1] So begins her championship of women aptly captured in “Cupid’s Letter.” During this time of growth for Christine, misogynistic attitudes abounded in the Universities, in court, and in the clergy. Aristotle’s influence held sway over the common understanding of what it was to be female. Every ill of the world was laid at the feet of women. As Christine aptly said in “Cupid’s Letter,”

There are women vilely named,

And often without cause are blamed,

And even those of noble race,

However fair and full of grace.

Lord, what company, what talk—

Women’s honor they freely mock.[2]

“Cupid’s Letter” enjoyed immediate success and was translated into English by Chaucer’s disciple, Thomas Hoccleve.[3] Her work of defending women and removing the tarnish that had been applied to their honor continued in other works including “The Debate of Two Lovers” which showed that true love is joyful, not deceitful or jealous, The Book of the City of Ladies that showed women’s contributions to history through time, The Book of the Three Virtues that sought to inculcate feminine virtues to counteract the misogyny of the time, and concluded with a eulogy poem in honor of Joan of Arc, “Ditie de Jehanne dArc.”

Throughout the time of her writing of poems and books, Christine became embroiled in a literary feud with Jean de Meun who wrote the second half of “The Romance of the Rose.” This became the “first recorded literary quarrel in France.”[4] Christine was inclined to blame the deceit and trickery of the men of her day at the feet of Jean de Meun.[5] “The Romance of the Rose” encouraged men to use whatever means necessary to acquire the woman they wanted in whatever way they wanted.  Jean de Meun belonged to another generation, another social world (not the courtly world of Christine de Pizan), and was primarily a philosopher.[6] He is crude and rude in his references to women and their body parts and advises “opportunism in relations with women, who are seldom virtuous, debauchery being the least of their crimes. The fine clothes of women do not really enhance them, for a dungheap covered with a silken cloth is still a dungheap.”[7] It is with this man and his very popular poem that Christine feels compelled to specifically defend womankind. Interestingly, she counters both in a poetic literary form, written letters, and politically through the official circle of Tignonville and the queen.[8] The chancellor of the University of Paris, Jean Gerson eventually entered the fray, siding with Christine de Pizan.[9]  Eventually, he wrote a treatise against “The Romance of the Rose.”[10] Chancellor Gerson and Christine de Pizan as literary allies were unbeatable and the argument ended (although it was not resolved.)[11] Christine was able to, for the first time, remove the discussion of women “from intellectual circles and [make] it possible for a lay-person, and a woman at that, to take part.”[12] From this point on, she leveraged her fantastic intellect, writing skill, and fame to continue writing about her major concern-“the defense of women against…unjust slander and…hypocrisies of contemporary society.”[13]

Christine de Pizan was a child and woman of privilege. She moved in circles that most people could not enter. She was affected by Petrarch, the University of Bologna, the University of Paris, and by the French Court of Charles V. Typically, a woman of her lifestyle would marry a man, have children, and live on. If her husband died, her task would be to re-marry. Christine did not do this. She educated herself, honed her literary skills and became an unlikely champion of women.

© 2013, post, Terri Stewart, All rights reserved

Terri StewartTERRI STEWART is Into the Bardo’s chaplain, senior content editor, and site co-administrator. You can expect a special post from her each week. She comes from an eclectic background and considers herself to be grounded in contemplation and justice. She is the Director and Founder of the Youth Chaplaincy Coalition that serves youth affected by the justice system. As a recent graduate of Seattle University’s School of Theology and Ministry, she earned her Master’s of Divinity and a Post-Master’s Certificate in Spiritual Direction with honors and is a rare United Methodist student in the Jesuit Honor Society, Alpha Sigma Nu. She is a contributing author to the Abingdon Worship Annual.

Her online presence is “Cloaked Monk.” This speaks to her grounding in contemplative arts (photography, mandala, poetry) and the need to live it out in the world. The cloak is the disguise of normalcy as she advocates for justice and peace. You can find her at www.cloakedmonk.com, www.twitter.com/cloakedmonk, and www.facebook.com/cloakedmonk.  To reach her for conversation, send a note to cloakedmonk@outlook.com.

[1] Willard, Christine de Pizan: Her Life and Works, 61.
[2] Ibid, 62.
[3] Ibid 63-64.
[4] Ibid, 73.
[5] Ibid, 63.
[6] Ibid, 75.
[7] Ibid, 75-76.
[8] Ibid, 77.
[9] Ibid, 80.
[10] Ibid, 84.
[11] Ibid, 86.
[12] Ibid.
[13] Ibid.

Posted in Essay, Terri Stewart

Christine de Pizan, Part 2 of 3

This series is an academic article that I wrote on the life of Christine de Pizan, an extraordinary woman of the medieval era. This is part 2. Part 1 is here.

Christine Presenting Her Book to Queen Isabeau, WikiCommons Images
Christine Presenting Her Book to Queen Isabeau, WikiCommons Images

Christine married Etienne de Castel, a son of a court official, in 1380.[1] It was a love match. Then things took a turn for Christine and her family. Charles V died and the crown’s close association with the academic world came to a close.[2] Tommaso became embroiled in a controversial cure that he had prescribed that “went awry.”[3] This caused the de Pizan family’s economic situation to deteriorate. Tommaso died in 1387.[4] Then in 1390, Christine’s husband died in an epidemic.[5] Christine became the head of a family with three children (one would die in childhood), a widowed mother, and a niece that was living with them. Furthermore, when she tried to settle the estate of her husband, she was met with deception, dishonesty, and lawsuits trying to strip her of her property.[6] Adding to her grief, money that had been reserved for her children’s future and invested was stolen.[7]To make matters worse, she became very ill, describing it as succumbing “like Job.”[8]

Given that Christine was now the head of her family, in France away from other relatives, without income, she had to create a way to support her household. Christine was still welcome at court and witnessed the frivolity of the court of Queen Isabeau and Louis of Orleans.[9] Here, poetry was one of the “principal social accomplishments”[10] and Christine turned her hand to poetry that reflected the Parisian social scene in its glory and ugliness. She proceeded to write poetry that reflected that scene, the grief she was still experiencing, and fond reminiscing of the reign of Charles V. Slowly, her poetry began to gather attention in the rarefied air of the court. Her fortunes began to turn when she was able to meet the earl of Salisbury in 1398.[11] They formed a bond based on love of poetry and he took her son into his own home to raise him with his own son. Then, in 1397, through Charles VI’s aunt, Marie de Bourbon, she was able to secure a place for her daughter at the Abbey of Poissy.[12]

Christine started writing poetry as early as 1394, but speaks of her literary career starting in 1399 after several years spent on self-education.[13] She studied ancient history, sciences, and the books of poets.[14] When she started studying the poets, she said to herself, “Child, be consoled, for you have found the thing that is your natural aspiration.”[15] She found her place. However, she did not take her early poetry very seriously. Her early poetry consisted of ballades, rondeaus, and the virelay.[16] These were well respected forms during her day. In addition, she started growing her own library of books by copying books in her own hand.[17] Christine also started writing letters purely for literary purposes.[18] She was becoming skilled at poetry, letter writing, and at common rhetorical devices used among the educated and courtly elite. Leaning on Plato’s view of women, Christine wrote in “The Mutation of Fortune,” that her change in status caused her to “become a man.”[19] It is this educated, courtly-adept woman that became a powerful voice for the fair and honorable treatment of women.

Christine’s poetry began to be known beyond the French court by approximately the year 1400.[20] She claims that it was because she was such a novelty—being a woman poet—that her work spread widely and rapidly.[21] However, it was probably because she wrote from her own point-of-view, a widowed woman. Her early poems used the court and its characters for the basis of her stories. She discovered that she had a particular talent for working with words and fitting them into poetic forms.[22] But her most striking skill was in expressing her own emotions and experience via literary devices.[23] The theme of grief and widowhood arises frequently in her writing.

© 2013, post, Terri Stewart, All rights reserved

Terri StewartTERRI STEWART is Into the Bardo’s  Sunday chaplain, senior content editor, and site co-administrator. She comes from an eclectic background and considers herself to be grounded in contemplation and justice. She is the Director and Founder of the Youth Chaplaincy Coalition that serves youth affected by the justice system. As a recent graduate of Seattle University’s School of Theology and Ministry, she earned her Master’s of Divinity and a Post-Master’s Certificate in Spiritual Direction with honors and is a rare United Methodist student in the Jesuit Honor Society, Alpha Sigma Nu. She is a contributing author to the Abingdon Worship Annual.

Her online presence is “Cloaked Monk.” This speaks to her grounding in contemplative arts (photography, mandala, poetry) and the need to live it out in the world. The cloak is the disguise of normalcy as she advocates for justice and peace. You can find her at www.cloakedmonk.com, www.twitter.com/cloakedmonk, and www.facebook.com/cloakedmonk.  To reach her for conversation, send a note to cloakedmonk@outlook.com.


[1] Willard, Christine de Pizan: Her Life and Works, 34-35.
[2] Ibid.
[3] Ibid, 38.
[4] Ibid, 39.
[5] Ibid.
[6] Ibid.
[7] Ibid, 40.
[8] Ibid.
[9] Ibid, 42.
[10] Ibid.
[11] Ibid.
[12] Ibid, 43.
[13] Ibid, 44.
[14] Ibid.
[15] Ibid.
[16] Ibid.
[17] Ibid, 45.
[18] Ibid.
[19] Ibid, 48.
[20] Ibid, 51.
[21] Ibid.
[22] Ibid, 53.
[23] Ibid.

Posted in Essay, Terri Stewart

Christine de Pizan, Part 1 of 3

This series is an academic article that I wrote on the life of Christine de Pizan, an extraordinary woman of the medieval era.

Christine de Pizan from Wikispaces.com
Christine de Pizan
from Wikispaces.com

During the lifetime of Christine de Pizan (1364-1430),[1] women were not well respected.[2] However, Christine managed to carve out a unique spot for herself among authors of poetry and rhetorical letters. Along her journey, she also became an unlikely champion of women, women’s roles, and the honorable treatment of women. Unlikely champion because Christine came from a privileged, comfortable background and was discouraged from stepping outside of traditional female roles by her mother.[3] I am going to show that Christine’s background peculiarly gave her the gifts to become not only a gifted author, but the unlikely champion of women. Then, a brief exploration of the misogynistic attitudes present during her lifetime that called forth a response and thrust her into the role of France’s first woman of letters.[4]

Christine de Pizan was born in Venice, Italy.[5] At the time she was born, the city was just recovering from two horrific events – an earthquake followed by the first outbreak of the bubonic plague in 1348.[6] It was thought that these events were punishments from God for Venice’s wickedness at warring with its neighbors and with Genoa.[7] Venice was a port city that was among the first cities hit by the plague due to its status as a maritime trader.[8] As the downfall of Venice was seen to be attributable to the movement of the planets and stars (earthquake), astronomy and astrology were respected and revered sciences.[9] The potential for ad4vanced study in these fields is what drew Tommaso da Pizzano to Venice.

Tommaso da Pizzano arrived in Venice in 1357 from Bologna. He had been studying there towards his degree of doctor in medical studies which would have included studying astrology.[10] Bologna had a reputation as an intellectual center of Europe, a book production center, and a center of secular thought.[11] That is the rarified air that Christine de Pizan’s father came from. Here, Tommaso met Christine’s mother, they married and soon had Christine. It is also in Venice that Tommaso became acquainted with Petrarch, one of the most influential poets[12] of his day.[13] Here the thoughts of Bologna-based on Aristotle’s writings-collided with Petrarch’s thoughts that were grounded in Plato.[14] Plato believed that women had a place in society—they had strengths that differed from men, but strengths none-the-less. Aristotle, however, had a much more subservient view of women.

In the Republic, Plato argues that women must be assigned social roles in the ideal state equal to those of men. Only one generation later, Aristotle, in his Politics, returns women to their traditional roles in the home, subserving men. Plato’s position in the Republic is based upon his view that “women and men have the same nature in respect to the guardianship of the state, save insofar as the one is weaker and the other is stronger.” Nature provides no such equality in Aristotle; in the Politics he flatly declares, “as regards the sexes, the male is by nature superior and the female inferior, the male ruler and the female subject.”[15]

I must say that Plato was not perfect on women, but he was more charitable in his views that Aristotle. Women, for Plato, degenerated from perfection while for Aristotle, they were inferior by nature.[16] Christine de Pizan was born into an environment more influenced by Petrarch and Platonic thought than by the University center’s reliance upon Aristotelian thoughts on women.

Tommaso soon re-established his family in Bologna because of the prestige that being at University brought him.[17] However, he was soon invited to join the courts of both Paris and Hungary. He chose Paris.[18] He left his family for two years in Bologna while he established himself at the French court of Charles V. This allowed him to have the prestige of being at court and being near the University of Paris. In December 1368, Charles V “received at the Louvre the newly arrived family of Tommaso, now transformed into Thomas de Pizan.”[19]

In the courts of Charles V, Christine was given quite a lot of freedom. Charles V has a propensity for intellectual interests.  He cultivated contacts with the University of Paris and built an impressive library. He contracted Nicole Oresme to translate the entire works of Aristotle into French.[20] Christine had access to the king’s library and to his personal study.[21] She later recalled the king with fondness saying, “In my youth and childhood, with my parents, I was nourished by his hand.”[22] Christine was enthralled with intellectual pursuits from a young age.[23] Her father encouraged her in her studies (he had very liberal views on the education of women) while her mother was more traditional.[24] Christine managed to walk a line between her two parents—tending to her traditional roles as a female and pursuing intellectual curiosities at every opportunity.

© 2013, post, Terri Stewart, All rights reserved

Terri StewartTERRI STEWART is Into the Bardo’s  Sunday chaplain, senior content editor, and site co-administrator. She comes from an eclectic background and considers herself to be grounded in contemplation and justice. She is the Director and Founder of the Youth Chaplaincy Coalition that serves youth affected by the justice system. As a recent graduate of Seattle University’s School of Theology and Ministry, she earned her Master’s of Divinity and a Post-Master’s Certificate in Spiritual Direction with honors and is a rare United Methodist student in the Jesuit Honor Society, Alpha Sigma Nu. She is a contributing author to the Abingdon Worship Annual.

Her online presence is “Cloaked Monk.” This speaks to her grounding in contemplative arts (photography, mandala, poetry) and the need to live it out in the world. The cloak is the disguise of normalcy as she advocates for justice and peace. You can find her at www.cloakedmonk.com, www.twitter.com/cloakedmonk, and www.facebook.com/cloakedmonk.  To reach her for conversation, send a note to cloakedmonk@outlook.com.

[1] Danuta Bois, “Christine de Pisan,” Distinguished Women of Past and Present, http://www.distinguishedwomen.com/biographies/pisan.html (accessed March 12, 2013).
[2] Charity Cannon Willard, Christine de Pizan: Her Life and Works (NY, Persea Books, 1984), 15.
[3] Willard, Christine de Pizan: Her Life and Works, 33.
[4] Ibid, 15.
[5] Ibid, 16.
[6] Ibid.
[7] Ibid.
[8] Cara Murphy, “The Bubonic Plague and the Impact on Venice,” FluTrackers, http://www.flutrackers.com/forum/showthread.php?t=23196 (accessed March 12, 2013).
[9] Willard, Christine de Pizan: Her Life and Works, 17-18.
[10] Ibid, 17.
[11] Ibid.
[12] Petrarch was an Italian humanist.
[13] Willard, Christine de Pizan: Her Life and Works, 19.
[14] Ibid.
[15] Nicholas D. Smith, “Plato and Aristotle on the Nature of Women,” Journal of the History of Philosophy 21.4 (1983): 467-478. Project MUSE. http://muse.jhu.edu/ (accessed March 13, 2013).
[16] John Wijngaards, “Greek Philosophy on the Inferiority of Women,WomenPriests.org, http://www.womenpriests.org/traditio/infe_gre.asp (accessed March 13, 2013).
[17] Willard, Christine de Pizan: Her Life and Works, 20.
[18] Ibid.
[19] Ibid.
[20] Ibid, 21.
[21] Ibid, 28-29.
[22] Ibid, 23.
[23] Ibid, 33.
[24] Ibid.

Posted in Spiritual Practice, Terri Stewart, Uncategorized

Locked Away

locked-away
Locked Away

I read a brief article about potential, gifts, talents, and how we can use those things to actually make a living! Embedded in the exercise that they walked the reader through is a wonderful contemplative exercise. So here we go!

Need:  Paper and writing utensil, timer

Often, as an ice-breaker, when I first meet youth in detention, I ask them to tell me the three best things about themselves. They always come up with one thing. Then most come up with a second thing. The third one is always a struggle. It is often a struggle to recognize the greatness in ourselves…in our own story. We so often lock our gifts away and don’t let other people see the precious gift that we are. We hide our greatness under a bushel, so to speak!

Recently, NBA player, Jason Collins, came out and told the world he was gay. Some would say that is a great act of heroism. I think it is especially interesting that he came out so recently after the Jackie Robinson movie, 42, released. Both are great efforts put forth by African-American men to combat hatred. I also find greatness in the gay youth that shows up to school every day to face bullying or ridicule. One is greatness on a national scale. The other is greatness measured in every day strides.

Now, get comfortable, create a space where your feet are grounded. Put your paper before you and hold your preferred writing utensil(s) in your hand. Hold in your mind a comfortable sense of yourself. Where is your greatness today? Where has it been in the past? What is your yardstick that measures greatness? How will you claim your greatness and let it shine?

Take 5 minutes and write down things that you think are great about yourself! Talents, gifts, actions. Even going back to childhood. Yes, 5 minutes.

Now, take that paper and fold it up. Tuck it away in an accessible location–a purse or a wallet would be great. From now until next Sunday, keep a greatness log! I wonder if we can recognize the greatness in the everyday acts of living. Like yesterday, maybe it was “great” that I gave a homeless man all my change so he could get food. Some days greatness, for me, can be measured by the ability to get out of bed! Perhaps the trick is not to compare your greatness to other people.

Have a great week!

Shalom,

Chaplain Terri
CloakedMonk

© 2013, post and photos, Terri Stewart, All rights reserved

Terri StewartTERRI STEWART is Into the Bardo’s  Sunday chaplain, Senior Content Editor and Site Co-Administrator.  She comes from an eclectic background and considers herself to be grounded in contemplation and justice. She is the Director and Founder of the Youth Chaplaincy Coalition that serves youth affected by the justice system. As a recent graduate of Seattle University’s School of Theology and Ministry, she earned her Master’s of Divinity and a Post-Master’s Certificate in Spiritual Direction with honors and is a rare United Methodist student in the Jesuit Honor Society, Alpha Sigma Nu. She is a contributing author to the Abingdon Worship Annual.

Her online presence is “Cloaked Monk.” This speaks to her grounding in contemplative arts (photography, mandala, poetry) and the need to live it out in the world. The cloak is the disguise of normalcy as she advocates for justice and peace. You can find her at www.cloakedmonk.com, www.twitter.com/cloakedmonk, and www.facebook.com/cloakedmonk.  To reach her for conversation, send a note to cloakedmonk@outlook.com.
Posted in Meditation, Spiritual Practice, story, Terri Stewart

Candle Gazing and a Contemplative Tale

Today’s practice is two tales set to a video recording of three candles. I will confess that this was done in my living room and, well, the candles are not as flickery on the video as they were in my living room. I would suggest getting a candle and looking at it instead of the video screen! Or simply closing your eyes and listening.

Candle gazing is a contemplative meditation technique. In this manner, instead of closing your eyes, you let your eyes rest on the flame of a candle. Let your gaze rest softly, neither focusing too hard or letting the candle leave your gaze. Stay with the candle as it dances and let your mind be free.

This video is about 4 1/2 minutes long. There are a couple of brief moments of silence. Stay with the silence and get through to the other side.

The stories are from one of my favorite books, “Peace Tales: World Folktales to Talk About” by Margaret Read MacDonald. This book found us when my kids were in elementary school. (My youngest is graduating this year! Yikes!!)

Sit back. Relax. Get comfortable. Become grounded. Now listen with your heart.

 

Namaste, salām, shalom.

 

© 2013, post and video, Terri Stewart, All rights reserved

Terri StewartTERRI STEWART is Into the Bardo’s  Sunday evening chaplain. You can expect a special post from her each week. She comes from an eclectic background and considers herself to be grounded in contemplation and justice. She is the Director and Founder of the Youth Chaplaincy Coalition that serves youth affected by the justice system. As a recent graduate of Seattle University’s School of Theology and Ministry, she earned her Master’s of Divinity and a Post-Master’s Certificate in Spiritual Direction with honors and is a rare United Methodist student in the Jesuit Honor Society, Alpha Sigma Nu. She is a contributing author to the Abingdon Worship Annual.

Her online presence is “Cloaked Monk.” This speaks to her grounding in contemplative arts (photography, mandala, poetry) and the need to live it out in the world. The cloak is the disguise of normalcy as she advocates for justice and peace. You can find her at www.cloakedmonk.com,www.twitter.com/cloakedmonk, and www.facebook.com/cloakedmonk.  To reach her for conversation, send a note to cloakedmonk@outlook.com.
Posted in folk tale, story, Uncategorized

Why We Shout in Anger

377px-VishnuvishvarupaA Hindu saint who was visiting river Ganges to take bath found a group of family members on the banks, shouting in anger at each other. He turned to his disciples smiled and asked.

‘Why do people shout in anger shout at each other?’

Disciples thought for a while, one of them said, ‘Because we lose our calm, we shout.’

‘But, why should you shout when the other person is just next to you? You can as well tell him what you have to say in a soft manner, ‘asked the saint.

Disciples gave some other answers but none satisfied the other disciples. Finally the saint explained, .

‘When two people are angry at each other, their hearts distance a lot. To cover that distance they must shout to be able to hear each other. The angrier they are, the stronger they will have to shout to hear each other to cover that great distance.

What happens when two people fall in love? They don’t shout at each other but talk softly, Because their hearts are very close. The distance between them is either nonexistent or very small…’

The saint continued, ‘When they love each other even more, what happens? They do not speak, only whisper and they get even closer to each other in their love. Finally they even need not whisper, they only look at each other and that’s all. That is how close two people are when they love each other.’

He looked at his disciples and said.

‘So when you argue do not let your hearts get distant, Do not say words that distance each other more, or else there will come a day when the distance is so great that you will not find the path to return.’
-Author Unknown.

Thank you to Kris Lee for bringing this story to my attention.
Photo Illustration ~ Krishna (Hindu avatar)via Wikipedia and in the public domain.

– Terri Stewart

mailTERRI STEWART is Into the Bardo’s Chaplain, Sr. Consulting Editor, and Site Co-administrator. She comes from an eclectic background and considers herself to be grounded in contemplation and justice. She is the Director and Founder of the Youth Chaplaincy Coalition that serves youth affected by the justice system. As a recent graduate of Seattle University’s School of Theology and Ministry, she earned her Master’s of Divinity and a Post-Master’s Certificate in Spiritual Direction with honors and is a rare United Methodist student in the Jesuit Honor Society, Alpha Sigma Nu. She is a contributing author to the Abingdon Worship Annual.
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Her online presence is Cloaked Monk.This speaks to her grounding in contemplative arts (photography, mandala, poetry) and the need to live it out in the world. The cloak is the disguise of normalcy as she advocates for justice and peace. You can find her at www.cloakedmonk.com,www.twitter.com/cloakedmonk, and www.facebook.com/cloakedmonk.  To reach her for conversation, send a note to cloakedmonk@outlook.com.
Posted in Photography/Photographer, Spiritual Practice, Terri Stewart

Contemplative Photography: Listen with the Eye of the Heart

Contemplative photography is a practice I try to observe. So often, I end up reserving it for vacation times. However, with the advent of phone cameras and the increased capabilities they have, contemplative photography is at my fingertips every day! I am reading a book on contemplative photography and would like to share some of the thoughts it is stirring in me and the information it has. The book is Eyes of the Heart: Photography as a Christian Contemplative Practice by Christine Valters Paintner. You can find her at Abbey of the Arts.

Contemplative seeing is described by Carmelite William McNamara as a “long loving look at the real.” Let’s think about what each one of these words means.

  • Long – to see, we need to slow down and notice our surroundings, immerse ourselves into the moment
  • Loving – to see clearly, we need to have a compassion filter that sees beauty in all things, the horrible and the joyful
  • Look at the real – to see things as they are, not how we want them to be

Contemplative seeing also requires a journey from the head down into the heart.

In Buddhism, there is a practice of contemplative photography called Miksang. This is Tibetan for “good eye.” Miksang has the goal of looking at the real without judgement or distinctions like “beautiful” or “ugly.” The goal is to see things as they are without attaching value judgments and to appreciate it. This opens up a third space, seeing things in a creative new way. I am reminded of a visit I made to the women’s prison. It was a spectacular Pacific Northwest day. Brilliant blue skies. Inside the prison, walking across the grounds, I looked up and saw the razor wire. At the same time it was incredibly beautiful and incredibly repulsive. That is the tension that the “good eye” brings.

freedom in the penitentiary

robin sitting still
between barbs of sharpened steel
her spirit will soar

In Christianity, this “good eye” is termed the “third eye” by Richard Rohr. He describes it as the moment when “our heart space, our mind space, and our body awareness are all simultaneously open and non-resistant. I like to call it presence. It is experienced as a moment of deep inner connection, and it always pulls you, intensely satisfied, into the naked and undefended now, which can involve both profound joy and profound sadness. At that point, you either want to write poetry, pray, or be utterly silent.”

The monk, Thomas Merton, started practicing contemplative photography and he said, “How the blank side of a frame house can be so completely beautiful I cannot imagine. A completely miraculous achievement of forms.” Perhaps the good eye or the third eye is simply seeing the miracle.

All this is quite a lead up to the offering I have today of a contemplative photograph. I am going to offer an image and then I encourage you to visit one from Thomas Merton he titled “Sky Hook” and described as the “Only known photograph of God.”

After entering the photograph(s), please consider sitting with the feeling that is created when you shift from head seeing to heart seeing. Gaze lightly into the distance without focusing on any one thing. Be present to the real. After you have considered these photographic offerings, perhaps you would consider gazing around you, holding compassion in your heart and seeing something beautiful. If you have your camera, great! If not, consider the magical moment of holding the image in your heart and then releasing it.

Community
Community

Reflection: What, if anything, has changed? How was the journey from head to heart?

Shalom and Amen.

Chaplain Terri

© 2013, post and photographs, Terri Stewart, All rights reserved

Terri Stewart
Terri Stewart

TERRI STEWART is Into the Bardo’s  Sunday evening chaplain. You can expect a special post from her each week. She comes from an eclectic background and considers herself to be grounded in contemplation and justice. She is the Director and Founder of the Youth Chaplaincy Coalition that serves youth affected by the justice system. As a recent graduate of Seattle University’s School of Theology and Ministry, she earned her Master’s of Divinity and a Post-Master’s Certificate in Spiritual Direction with honors and is a rare United Methodist student in the Jesuit Honor Society, Alpha Sigma Nu. She is a contributing author to the Abingdon Worship Annual.

Her online presence is “Cloaked Monk.” This speaks to her grounding in contemplative arts (photography, mandala, poetry) and the need to live it out in the world. The cloak is the disguise of normalcy as she advocates for justice and peace. You can find her at www.cloakedmonk.com,www.twitter.com/cloakedmonk, and www.facebook.com/cloakedmonk.  To reach her for conversation, send a note to cloakedmonk@outlook.com.
Posted in Spiritual Practice

Shift Into Heart with Quick Coherence Techniques

This article is from the folks at shiftyourlife.com-Tracy Latz M.D. and Marion Ross, PhD. Republished with permission.

Our friends at HeartMath have described a wonderful technique to rapidly get into your heart. The Quick Coherence® Technique ( a heart math trademark) helps you create a coherent state, offering access to your heart’s intelligence. It uses the power of your heart to balance thoughts and emotions, helping you to achieve a neutral, poised state for clear thinking. It is a powerful technique that connects you with your energetic heart zone to help you release stress, balance your emotions and feel better fast.

Quick Coherence® will help you find a feeling of ease and inner harmony that will be reflected in your heart rhythms. The heart is a primary generator of rhythm in your body, influencing brain processes that control your nervous system, cognitive function and emotion. More coherent heart rhythms facilitate brain function, allowing you more access to your higher intelligence so you can improve your focus, creativity, intuition and higher-level decision-making. When you’re in heart-rhythm coherence, you perform at your best – what athletes call being in the zone. You feel confident, positive, focused and calm yet energized.

Step 1: Heart Focus.
Focus your attention on the area around your heart, the area in the center of your chest. If you prefer, the first couple of times you try it, place your hand over the center of your chest to help keep your attention in the heart area.

Step 2: Heart Breathing.
Breathe deeply but normally and feel as if your breath is coming in and going out through your heart area. Continue breathing with ease until you find a natural inner rhythm that feels good to you.

Step 3: Heart Feeling.
As you maintain your heart focus and heart breathing, activate a positive feeling. Recall a positive feeling, a time when you felt good inside, and try to re-experience the feeling. One of the easiest ways to generate a positive, heart-based feeling is to remember a special place you’ve been to or the love you feel for a close friend or family member or treasured pet. This is the most important step.

Quick Coherence® is especially useful when you start to feel a draining emotion such as frustration, irritation, anxiety or stress. Using Quick Coherence at the onset of less intense negative emotions can keep them from escalating into something worse. This technique is especially useful after you’ve had an emotional blowup to bring yourself back into balance quickly.

You can do the Quick Coherence® Technique anytime, anywhere and no one will know you’re doing it. In less than a minute, it creates positive changes in your heart rhythms, sending powerful signals to the brain that can improve how you’re feeling. Apply this one-minute technique first thing in the morning, before or during phone calls or meetings, in the middle of a difficult conversation, when you feel overwhelmed or pressed for time, or anytime you simply want to practice increasing your coherence. You can also use Quick Coherence whenever you need more coordination, speed and fluidity in your reactions.

Another technique that we, The Shift Doctors, regularly teach in seminars, to patients and in our books comes from the Buddhist tradition and is called The Loving Benefactor Meditation. The meditation goes as as follows:

(This meditation can also be downloaded at iTunes and is from our 2nd companion CD for our book Shift: 12 Keys to Shift Your Life – for details see meditation page at shiftyourlife.com ). This meditation is great for getting into your heart in about 30 seconds or less.

Find a comfortable, seated position on a chair or cushion and allow your body to settle into position. Close your eyes and begin to focus your attention on your breath, following your cycles of inhalation and exhalation.  Notice the rising and falling sensations in your belly as you breathe in and out and follow this for a few cycles.

Now try to bring to mind a heartfelt sense or visual image of someone whom you believe embodies the qualities of unconditional love and compassion.  This person can be a friend or relative, a religious or historical figure, a spiritual being or just someone who embodies these qualities.  Picture this person as if they were sitting or standing right in front of you.

Look into their eyes and feel the absolute unconditional love and compassion flowing from them towards you.  Now, radiate feelings of love and gratitude back towards this person. Whenever you feel your mind wandering, gently bring your attention back to the image of the loving friend, historical or spiritual image and once again practice radiating love, empathy and compassion towards them.  Feel their love, empathy and compassion radiating back towards you.

You can choose to stay with your Loving Benefactor and feel their love flowing to you and your love flowing to them for up to 20 minutes. You can also have your Loving Benefactor move slowly around your left side and stand behind your left shoulder to be with you as you go about your day. You can still feel them present when you open your eyes! Know that this Loving Benefactor is sending you love every minute of every day.

In addition, The Mountain Meditation can be quite helpful to melt away stress or anxiety. When you are feeling helpless, powerless, inadequate or have angst about meeting a challenge that is facing you in your life, the ‘Mountain Meditation’ can prove to be a transformative experience. If you are ready to feel your inner strength, click on the meditation above, sit back, close your eyes and prepare for a journey (led by ‘The Shift Doctors’) back to vitality and your powerful inner nature. Listen to The Mountain Meditation by clicking here!

Hope these tips and tools are helpful –:)

Loads of Light to all!

Tracy Latz, M.D.and Marion Ross PhD.  (a.k.a. “The Shift Doctors”)

**The Shift Doctors (Tracy Latz, M.D. & Marion Ross, Ph.D.) are available for keynote talks, classes, events or for seminars (1/2 day or up to 2 day) on Energy Medicine personal transformation, team-building, motivation, anger management, intuitive development, or collaboration for private groups, conferences, corporations or corporate events. Contact them at info@shiftyourlife.com or find out more about their books, DVD’s, CD’s and tools for personal transformation at www.shiftyourlife.com.

Posted in Spiritual Practice, Terri Stewart

Yom Hashoah

April 7th marked Yom Hashoah, the Holocaust Remembrance of Judaism (and thank you to Dr. Erica Martin for bringing this to my attention).  I have participated in several Yom Hashoah services over the years during my time as Ecumenical Liturgy Graduate Assistant at Seattle University. You will be brought to your knees acknowledging the atrocities that can be (and continue to be) committed in the name of humanity. And then further humbled by the acknowledgment of hope and transcendence that exists in the human spirit. A particular phrase that marks the worship service is, “We will never forget.” Let it be so.

Let us never forget that all it takes for evil to prosper is for good people to be silent.

Let us never forget that we are capable of unspeakable atrocities in the name of nationalism and in patriotism.

Let us never forget that by having a desire to punish at all costs, we create the monsters that haunt us.

Let us never forget that innocents pay the price of our decisions to turn away from caring for one another.

Let us never forget that holocausts continue and that genocide is still experienced.

Let us never forget the evil that haunts humanity.

But,

Let us never forget that a caterpillar is transformed into a butterfly.

Let us never forget that caring for the widow, the orphan, and the stranger among us is a call to compassion at all costs.

Let us never forget that when we offer our neighbor care, we offer our care to the entire world.

Let us never forget that the peacemakers are blessed.

Let us never forget that those who are last among us, will be first.

Let us never forget that love overcomes evil.

And,

Let us never forget that no matter how small the light, it cannot and will not be overcome.

Link to GenocideWatch.org

© 2013, post, Terri Stewart, All rights reserved

Posted in Spiritual Practice, Terri Stewart, Uncategorized

I am the one who…

There is a spiritual practice called SoulCollage®. The main focus of this practice is to put together a collage that represents various things to you… your inner committee, your community, world archetypes, or totems and chakras. Below is an example of a card I created that represents various voices on my inner committee.

One of My Committee Cards
One of My Committee Cards

It isn’t simply the making of the card that is the point, but it is exploring the card. If I look at the card and the various images, I can settle into one (or more) of the images and complete the following sentence.  I am the one who….

  • I am the one who dreams
  • I am the one who prophesies
  • I am the one who walks towards a voice that calls
  • I am the one who is grounded
  • I am the one who flies

I could continue on. What became clear to me after I put these images together is that the holy and the worldly are held together in one place for me. That I need the child-like dreamer to be the one who confronts injustice and demands change. That the holy ferris wheel in my head holds together joy and the sacred. That being grounded allows me to fly. And I could still continue on!

Now it is your turn! I have taken a few photos of various situations, people, animals, things. I am presenting them here. I ask you to locate one photo (maybe more), and enter it and complete the statement:  “I am the one who ___________________ .”

What did you discover?

How was the process for you?

“The greatest hazard of all, losing one’s self, can occur very quietly in the world, as if it were nothing at all. No other loss can occur so quietly; any other loss – an arm, a leg, five dollars, a wife, etc. – is sure to be noticed.”
― Søren Kierkegaard, The Sickness Unto Death

“You are — your life, and nothing else.”
― Jean-Paul Sartre, No Exit