Do you suffer from the need to have a twice impeached, twice indicted, adjudicated sex abuser do your thinking for you? Are family values critical to your identity and yet you blindly follow a man who brags about grabbing women’s genitals and who had an affair with a porn star four months after his third wife gave birth to their son? Do you call yourself a Christian then tell an eleven-year-old rape victim that she must carry her baby to term? Do you chortle that you are pro-life but advocate for the death penalty and refuse to support childcare programs and school lunches for all those unwanted babies once they are grown? Are you more concerned about banning books children read about gays than banning the automatic weapons used to kill those children? Do you think that Neo-Nazi’s chanting "Jews will not replace us" are "very fine people?" Do you rail against socialism then demand that the government keep its hands off your Medicare? You may be suffering from moderate to severe Hypocrititis! Ask your doctor about OxyMoron. Thirty infusions of OxyMoron delivered anally each month should help you regain some consistency and reason. (Rubber turkey baster delivery device sold separately.) Some people using OxyMoron have developed Musicus Flatulence Perpetuum, a bewildering disorder that causes the anus to hum, “I’m a Yankee Doodle Dandy,” during prolonged political debates. Don't take OxyMoron if you are allergic to truth and facts as doing so may cause every mirror in your home to explode. Call your doctor and stop taking OxyMoron immediately if you begin to tell the truth compulsively when discretion would be best (a rare condition called Candorrhea). Your road back to consensual reality and critical thinking is waiting at the tip of your turkey baster. Ask your doctor about OxyMoron today!
©Charlie Brice
All rights reserved
Charlie Brice…
…won the 2020 Field Guide Poetry Magazine Poetry Contest and placed third in the 2021 Allen Ginsberg Poetry Prize. His sixth full-length poetry collection is Pinnacles of Hope (Impspired Books, 2022). His poetry has been nominated three times for both the Best of Net Anthology and the Pushcart Prize and has appeared in Atlanta Review, The Honest Ulsterman, Ibbetson Street, The Paterson Literary Review, Impspired Magazine, Salamander Ink Magazine, and elsewhere.
The BeZine 