In the conversation we never had, you didn’t say, “Life’s subjective. One person’s joy could trigger another’s despair. Like someone else’s woe could bring another cheer.”
“We’ve lived each,” I would’ve said. “You, often, the latter,” my eyes would blink in code.
But we weren’t really talking about Life (like I said, we weren’t really talking at all), unless you consider just getting out of bed Life. Really about living, opening those eyes, taking that big inhale, letting it go, sometimes with words strung thereto, just to get to the next gulp of existence.
“You know, there was a time I didn’t care if my last exhalation, whether preceded by a sob or a snore, was indeed my last. Go to sleep. Wake not. I wouldn’t have considered that failure. THAT might’ve brought someone solace.” I could’ve revealed.
“That’s what I’m saying,” you didn’t say.
“I wish you would’ve talked to me about it,” I wish I’d said.
“There was no point. I wanted to talk to very few people and you weren’t one of them.”
Ergo, the non-conversation we weren’t having.
“Would you like to come talk now?” I might say.
“No. I’m not going anywhere with you.”
“Yeah (or is it ‘No’), we’ve each made that clear,” I might whisper.
“What didn’t you say?” You’d probably ask.
There was so, so much.
“I’m not going anywhere with you, either,” I’d say.
It’d always been a one-step-toward-and-one-back thing with us, symbiotically going nowhere, needy dance partners with no sense of rhythm.
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