Posted in poem, poetry

Sick Leave

when everything good leaves my body

my loves, my likes, my have done/s, my will do/s

when my arms are limp, my mind full of a buzzing and humming

 

when my friends are whisked away into the whirlwind of their lives

and I am the only inactive thing

I am left with your voice chipping away at my mind

 

it’s as if I had been wearing all my accomplishments like a robe

holding them close to my body 

covering the inadequacy underneath

 

when my body grinds to a halt 

and I am stripped of every ounce of my value

underneath it all, you are still here

red and raw on my naked skin

 

when the pain of my throbbing joints flood me 

my whole self circling around and around

I try to imagine that the grey aches and sharp flashes

are something beautiful

 

tonight I ask myself

what does my pain look like?

I shut my eyes and see the night sky filled with stars

 

I am the black expanse of unending nothingness

my pain appears as a million balls of light 

 

the shape of me is only visible 

by following the path of my pain

© 2020, Kella Hanna-Wayne

KELLA HANNA-WAYNE (Yopp), one of our newest Zine team members and a partner in our upcoming February series on illness and disability, is a disabled, chronically/mentally ill freelance writer who is the editor, publisher, and main writer for Yopp, a social justice blog dedicated to civil rights education, elevating voices of marginalized people, and reducing oppression; and for GlutenFreeNom.Com, a resource for learning the basics of gluten-free cooking and baking. Her work has been published in Ms. Magazine blog, Multiamory, Architrave Press and is forthcoming in a chapter of the book Twice Exceptional (2e) Beyond Learning Disabilities: Gifted Persons with Physical Disabilities. For fun, Kella organizes and DJ’s an argentine tango dancing event, bakes gluten-free masterpieces, sings loudly along with pop music, and makes cat noises. You can find her on Facebook, Twitter, Patreon, Medium, and Instagram.

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