Validating Myself

head-in-his-handsonce my dreams

were my possibilities
there was no dividing line
life was, what it was
blind happiness

in a state of sleep

as I crawled, walked

and ran through life
the strides I made
some say I was a success
I succeeded

to have three baby daddies
and three children

whom I may have failed
though I was respected

among co-workers

and peers

I enabled his addiction
while I searched for my happiness
mommy overprotective me
daddy left and never looked back
he took my hand and stole my virginity
a nymphomaniac I became
addicted to touch

I wrote the words
I felt the pain and

cried the tears
never knowing who I was
stumbling through darkness
while the sun shone on me

placing blame everywhere
except for where blame belonged
I was too light
my hair too soft
my face too pretty
hated by women
lusted by boys
the pedophiles I knew
kept secrets in the open

no one told me

I didn’t hear

when I should have listened
lungs full of holes
a heart lacking oxygen
joints swollen
aches fueling my fatigue
living the short life
missing teeth
graceful and elegant I’m not
I was what I’ll never be again
regrets gather like ocean tears

a wall I build
where I hide

– Kimberly Wilhelmina Floria

© 2015, poem, Kimberly Wilhelmina Floria, All rights reserved; photograph courtesy of George Hoden, Public Domain


The focus of "The BeZine," a publication of The Bardo Group Beguines, is on sacred space (common ground) as it is expressed through the arts. Our work covers a range of topics: spirituality, life, death, personal experience, culture, current events, history, art, and photography and film. We share work here that is representative of universal human values however differently they might be expressed in our varied religions and cultures. We feel that our art and our Internet-facilitated social connection offer a means to see one another in our simple humanity, as brothers and sisters, and not as “other.” This is a space where we hope you’ll delight in learning how much you have in common with “other” peoples. We hope that your visits here will help you to love (respect) not fear. For more see our Info/Mission Statement Page.

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