head-in-his-handsonce my dreams

were my possibilities
there was no dividing line
life was, what it was
blind happiness

in a state of sleep

as I crawled, walked

and ran through life
the strides I made
some say I was a success
I succeeded

to have three baby daddies
and three children

whom I may have failed
though I was respected

among co-workers

and peers

I enabled his addiction
while I searched for my happiness
mommy overprotective me
daddy left and never looked back
he took my hand and stole my virginity
a nymphomaniac I became
addicted to touch

I wrote the words
I felt the pain and

cried the tears
never knowing who I was
stumbling through darkness
while the sun shone on me

placing blame everywhere
except for where blame belonged
I was too light
my hair too soft
my face too pretty
hated by women
lusted by boys
the pedophiles I knew
kept secrets in the open

no one told me

I didn’t hear

when I should have listened
lungs full of holes
a heart lacking oxygen
joints swollen
aches fueling my fatigue
living the short life
missing teeth
graceful and elegant I’m not
I was what I’ll never be again
regrets gather like ocean tears

a wall I build
where I hide

– Kimberly Wilhelmina Floria

© 2015, poem, Kimberly Wilhelmina Floria, All rights reserved; photograph courtesy of George Hoden, Public Domain Pictures.net

2 thoughts on “Validating Myself

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