you set out
to write narratives
of your life after the fact as all stories are we find those thoughts enjambed racing toward intolerance pages unnumbered mixing tea bags in hot water the repeated inaccurate refrain they find a small hope suddenly crystalizing on artificial sweetener with snow forecast in inches over night our muscles begin to atrophy a kind act among hundreds of other assortments never worry about prepositions repeating even when swallowing hard a day dream awakens unexpected hunger you feel the press of their attraction weighing down opportunity events from a past muddle through too many filters until only pure illusion gathers among the quiet introverted the collection resonates internally with few avenues of escape
then they the lies
abundant built
upon those acceptable which means leaving more than half alive out our denial and refusal the medicinal median you gave in four days ago and more than hearts break little fuss to make out of no longer having to wait for this event while others play overhead on imaginary tight ropes to choke the life out pretending choice personal so block out the porous windows brick closed the two doors escape prevented no longer an advocate for certainty even when in its midst blankets quartered around the filleted body last night a repetitious dream just before waking a circle of colors blended gray you will be missed had already been solvent for years
there hope is
hard to come by
so many alone in beds meant for brief visits we want to scream but instead live in our head accede to the believed in and deeply held reality not as imagined or experienced but folded under our skirts and dresses those boots yet to be waterproofed wet hands glove covered in snow you welcome the new adventure never subverted by their kind eyes and character flaws in another score two sing out of key join in uncomfortable liaisons bodies lined weight less prayerful savants gleaning unnatural release belief held only in what they are told without question to read
the expiration date
was missing
so you licked tentative the day turning into evening amid the constant choking we carefully build out of their words to fortify the fear embraced in isolation refuse to answer phone voice mail or text block all numbers free ourself from pretense of common clear pathway your heart skips beat back aches the body always up to this moment our family knew nothing of our propensity for dresses and tubular vegetables pliable though functional made up swirls in their empty imagination the silence is never deafening rather an uproar of places things and voices their volume once again pliable the days resort shuffle into new brackets of darkness and light savings
yes once again
over many
nights their twenty four hour lip service wind awakens the solitary walkers who shrug off the litany of complaints sounds used to hear ourself at what expense those others whose practice learned doing the same while sources evade detection cheat in the rubble that remains of an earlier rousing party of some kind and the nonexistent masks clog the plumbing around town make for bad air quality sneezes feel good even when aimed at inside elbow at least for another few nights pretend you haven't lost us altogether make this look more like what it pretends to be wash hands again repeat a pleasure of those who have the time and where with all
endings rapid fire
up and down
the streets trees flutter their communal dance of sharing you enter into their enclosed safety open windows through out the apartment time how long it takes for frost to form on various edges those things once so valuable now aflame in frigid light we go in and out without effort keep forestalling reflection through computer screen name begin to vanish flies unseasonable dying on horizontal flat lines little reason left for italic moments of capitals your state of mind ground down only to worthless replace the c with an x to disappear into what can never be easily followed
passing by
the noon bell an
hour ahead gray birds in the starkly black black and white domain of conjoined conflict lies building upon lies push you back to bed and the wail of those usual broken love songs while lyrically diverse the message the same their bodies magical hidden as we will be by mirrored glass judged inappropriate you have never been prescient but understand the absence hours compel out of any context save wonder rereading those memories to ensure erasure the failure when using language with a known assumed listener reader in mind scrambles forms of alliterative translation forms of abstinence don't worry the operation went smoothly although what's missing remains tactile faulty
having no one
to keep us
company the days languish late autumn grayness around the base of the two new trees leaves burrow for warmth a smell of bread toasting a time ago shots of brandy and laughter talking power outages and strange surroundings when young you kept hidden beneath surfaces a sense of safety which was all along absent gathering groups of memorized thoughtless inarticulate truths leaving out a consonant or vowel feels as if we've pulled away from each other unnoticed by anyone builds to a crescendo where opposites join force restive in ourself never a melodic introverted caffeine synthesized dusk lock the off switch
©2021 gary lundy
All rights reserved
to write narratives
Poem ©2021 gary lundy
Artwork ©2021 Michael Dickel
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